To my fans, I love you.

February 8, 2018

This post is for my fans. You know who you are. You have sent me the most beautiful and inspiring messages. You have told me how my music has moved you, or inspired you, or helped you in some way. Those messages have meant the world to me. So I started making a scrapbook, where I literally paste in screenshots of nice comments from fans. Whenever I’m feeling down, I just open up the book. Here are a few examples that have truly made my heart feel warm.

I know it might sound cliche, but I would be nothing without you. The last few years have been a ridiculous ride for me. So many highs, so many lows. During those lows, it is YOU who have kept me going. Art can’t exist in a vacuum, at least not for me. I can’t be the only inhabitant of Trazer land. I likely would have given up already, if it weren’t for you.

Every time I start to think I’m never going to make it as an artist, all I have to do is remember that YOU exist. Every time I feel despair about my future in music, I remind myself that I am already successful because YOU exist. That keeps me staying positive, keeps me inspired, and, honestly, keeps me making music. Trazer isn’t JUST me. It’s us. It’s a whole world we can inhabit together. And as more and more people join us in Trazer land, I get more and more inspired and motivated because I can see that something is working. I’m growing. My fan base is growing. But way more important is the fact that YOU exist.

Maybe I’m just insecure, and I need validation. Maybe it’s just my ego that needs inflating. But I think it’s more than that. Before, making music was a hobby. It was fun. But at some point, it started to become something SO much bigger. It became an obsession, and now it has become an obsession that improves peoples’ lives. Or at least, some of you have said that it has. And I believe you. But I also have a hard time believing it. I mean, aren’t I just an amateur artist having fun? At what point does an amateur music producer become a professional? Is it once you start making money? Or is it once you have true fans? I’m not making much money. Not even close to breaking even. In the long run, yes, I need to make money to be able to do this full time. But that’s not why I’m doing this.

In the short term, I’m making music because I love it. Because I want to. Because I NEED to. In the past, this “need” was distracting, to say the least. It led to periods of anxiety and depression, that really interfered with my life, and my day job. Now that I don’t have a day job, things are waaaaay better. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it’s still up and down.

Anyway, my point is this. My fans have made all the difference in the world. To those of you who continue to message me with supporting words, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every single time I get a message from a fan, it makes my day. Seriously. I never get tired of hearing from you. My music is my gift to you. If you believe in Trazer, and in the future of Trazer, I want to hear from you. I want to talk to you. I want to know you. I want to meet you. I want to hug you. Because you are the reason I keep making music. I love you. I really do.

Love,
Anthony / Trazer

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Happy 60th Birthday, Dad

January 26, 2017

Happy birthday to my incredible father, Kirk.
60 looks great on you.

My dad and I have a lot in common. For one, we both love running. In 2011, I ran my first marathon with him (it was probably his 20th). Then in 2017, I did another one with him at the Redmond Watershed near Seattle. He beat my time by 45 whole minutes. Maybe one day I’ll be in as a good shape as him. Regardless, both races were a powerful bonding experience for us, a real joy, and I hope to do it again.

Wisconsin Marathon, April 2011.
Marathon at Redmond Watershed, near Seattle, August 2017.

I also likely inherited my love for music from my dad. Like me, he’s been playing music his entire life. He was in a band in his early 20’s, and even dropped out of college to move to New York with the band (he later finished his degree and  became a reporter for the New York Times). Upon learning that I was quitting my day job to pursue music, he expressed nothing but encouragement. He did the same thing, after all. It truly makes a world of difference knowing that he and my mom both support my recent career decisions.

Anyway, he exposed me and my brother to music at an incredibly young age, constantly making up silly songs. Fun fact, he wrote a song called “Hiney Piney,” which he would sing to us when he’d change our diapers. TMI?

He also sang Elton John’s “Your Song” in my wedding ceremony. It was so incredibly sung, it brought me (and everyone else) to tears. Music can stir up such powerful emotions. Thanks, Dad, for teaching me that. I love you.

My dad singing “Your Song” at my wedding, 2016.

Love,
Anthony / Trazer

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