This album has been a long time coming. Literally years of work, especially for the last track, Transcending Oblivion. Let it take you on journey. I hope you love it as much as I do.
Spotify
Download it for free on BandCamp (donations always appreciated).
Or if you’re more of a set-it-and-forget-it type listener, here’s a 3+ hour mix of 100% original music, in which all of these new tracks are featured.
If you are new to my music, welcome! If you’ve been following Trazer for a while, thank you for joining me on this wild journey. Your support truly means the world to me.
That’s right. My latest album, Spirit Arrow, is officially out! With a couple new originals and a few new remixes, it’s the latest and greatest of my signature dreamy chill-out music.
Stream below, or check out one of these links. Enjoy.
I know it has been a while since my last blog post. Long story short, my time as a full time music producer is nearing an end, as I am now looking for “real” jobs. It’s been a wild ride, but I’m ready for more stability, both financially and emotionally.
But fear not. I will never stop making music.
Love, Anthony / Trazer
P.S. If my music speaks to you, please consider contributing $1 per month on Patreon. You support means the world to me, and I love you.
P.P.S. If you like this album, drop a nice review on iTunes or comment on Soundcloud!
P.P.P.S. Do you want to hear more tracks like these? Let me know!
Photo credit to my awesome uncle Tony.
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Hey! I’m proud to announce the release of a brand new original track, Serenity. It is epic, dreamy, ambient, melodic, and uplifting.
Serenity was inspired by a meditative experience in the Arizona desert. A few months ago, a friend and I rented a little trailer in the middle of nowhere. We spent the sunny afternoon meditating, doing yoga, and simply basking in the serene stillness of the desert. The sun set over the mountains, and the beautiful day transitioned into a glorious night, complete with a stunning view of our milky way galaxy. In a world where things feel like they’re moving at ludicrous speed, I felt I had slowed down. I felt at peace.
In Serenity, I tried to capture that sense of oneness with nature during my journey that day in the desert. I hope you love it as much as I do. Listen below, or on YouTube, Spotify, or Soundcloud. Now float away.
If you like it, please consider buying it or supporting me on Patreon! If you’re looking for other ways to support my music, please consider writing a good review on iTunes, and telling your friends. A little bit goes a long way.
PS. Do you want to hear more tracks like this? Let me know!
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Five years ago today, I decided I wanted to be a music producer. One year ago today, I quit my day job. Now I’ll provide you with an update on my reality. I’ll be as honest as I can. No sugar coating, just an honest assessment of the last 12 months. Here goes.
Overall, the experience of being a full-time music producer has been way more up-and-down than I was able to truly anticipate. The highs I get from making a universe out of nothing are incredible, when they happen. It is beautiful. In each song I make, I try to create a whole world. I dive in as deep as I can go, becoming the God of Trazer land, bringing to light hidden corners my imagination. That is what I love about making music, the pure creation of it. Making something beautiful out of nothing.
But interspersed between these highs are some pretty devastating lows. I sometimes get quite depressed, where I just feel like everything I’m doing is for nothing, and that my life is a joke, that I’m so delusional to think that I am a “great” musician. Trying to make it as a musician is like pushing against a brick wall, and everything I do makes no difference. I have fans who occasionally tell me to keep at it and never stop making music, etc., and that truly helps. But some days it’s not enough.
I don’t have a lot to show for this past year. I’ve released a few tracks, but it’s not the prolific outpouring I had imagined. I have SO many tracks in progress, but it feels impossible to finish them. I can see my music progressing, in terms of technical production quality. But the better I get, the higher my standards, the longer it takes. And since my standards increase at a rate faster than I can release the music, I simply end up working on tracks forever, slowly tweaking and improving over months and years. Progress is slow, and you can’t force creativity.
It can also be really hard to motivate myself when I’m not accountable to anyone. I’m my own boss, and that means flexibility and freedom. But maybe too much of it. Some days are spent trying to be productive, but having no idea what that even looks like. I can always start another song, but I have too many in progress anyway. I can write a blog post, or work on my website, or some other administrative task. Really, one of the hardest things about this last year is that it’s been really hard to relax. In other words, I always feel like I SHOULD be working, so I feel anxious when I’m not. That creates a kind of feedback loop that makes me more and more anxious, which is terrible for creativity and productivity. So I have all of this “free” time to make music, but I feel an overwhelming pressure to do it, which makes it less inspiring and less fun. That’s essentially what it boils down to: music is becoming a source of stress, and it’s not as fun as it used to be. That is terrifying.
My whole life, I’ve acknowledged that people tend to externalize their existential discomfort. They say things like, “Once I have so-and-so, I’ll be happy,” or “Once I’m married and have kids, I’ll be happy,” or “once I’m a full-time musician, I’ll be happy.” Basically, people tend to blame the world for their unhappiness. I’d be happy except that [FILL IN THE BLANK]. And so people never have to face their own demons because they refuse to believe that their suffering is their own doing.
I’ve never fully appreciated this aspect of the human condition until this year. Before I quit my day job, I suffered from what I’ll call, I’ll-be-happy-when-I-quit-my-day-job syndrome. So I quit my job and moved to California. Suddenly I had everything I ever wanted. Free time to make lots of music, a beautiful wife to love and support me, closer proximity to my family, a bunch of friends who are nothing but encouraging. But even with all that, have I been happy? At first, I was. But lately, not exactly. And this fact really drives home the point. There’s no thing that can make me happy. I have to make myself happy, from the inside out. Really, with all of this “free” time, I’ve been experiencing a sort of existential crisis.
Of course, MONEY is a big thing. I must soon start making money, to be able to live and retire comfortably. Can I do that by making music? Maybe, but not yet. With both my wife and I living on her income, I feel guilty when I spend money, and yet music stuff is fucking expensive.
Ultimately, the last year has made me realize that I am responsible for taking care of my self and my happiness. It may sound obvious, but it’s not. YOU are responsible for making YOU happy. How do you do that? I don’t know, but the people in your life make all the difference. Friends and family are everything. Love is the most important thing.
In some ways, it’s a weight off my chest just to admit that I’m not entirely happy making music full time. I’ve tried it a number of ways, and it’s messy. It’s up-and-down. It’s beautiful. It’s inspiring. It’s depressing. It’s anxiety-provoking. It’s a lot of things. But I’m almost ready to try something else. I think it’s about time I started thinking about going back to work as an engineer.
I haven’t made any decisions one way or another, but I think I’ll probably go back to a day job in the next couple of months.
Thanks for listening. I love you.
<3
Anthony / Trazer
P.S. All that said, I’m still super excited about several tracks I’m working on, and I will release them as soon as I can. Stay tuned.
P.P.S. Don’t worry, I don’t plan to ever stop making music completely. Part of me is optimistic that getting a day job would re-inspire me, not to mention the extra cash I could spend on music equipment.
P.P.P.S. Happy 4/20 😉
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Oh hey what’s up. In case you missed it, I recently released a brand new track, BLAZING, on a compilation album by Transcendent Tunes. This is the first time my music has been on a record label, which is kind of a big deal for me. Getting onto a label has been on my to-do list for a long time, and I can finally check that off. Yay!
More than a year in the making, Blazing is a dark, deep, brooding track with chill beats and a gritty epic lead. It’s quite different than my “typical” melodic dreamy stuff. I hope you love it as much as I do. Listen below, or on YouTube, Spotify, or Soundcloud.
Do you want to hear more tracks like this? Let me know!
By the way, this track was inspired by my experience at Burning Man. While listening to this track, imagine being out in the middle of the desert, surrounded by nothing but dust. Now picture a giant art car blasting fire into the sky and playing this track incredibly loud. Maybe something like this photo by Galen Oakes.
That is all. Stay tuned. I love you.
<3
Anthony / Trazer
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Fractals are freaking sweet. They are infinitely complex and yet can be described using relatively simple mathematical equations.
Fractals are made, basically, by taking a specific equation and solving it a number of times. The more times you solve it, the more complex the surface looks and the “deeper” you can zoom. The equation below, for instance, is used to make the Mandelbrot Set, which is probably the most famous fractal. The variables c and z are complex coordinates, i.e. they have “real” and “imaginary” components. And so the Mandelbrot set is plotted on the complex plane. The number of iterations, n, can also be considered the “depth”, or complexity, of the fractal.
Honestly, it’s really hard to wrap your head around how this equation works. I programmed it myself in Python, and I still don’t fully understand it. Basically, for every spacial coordinate, you iterate this equation until it diverges, and then color it based on the number of iterations to get there. The images below illustrate how the depth, n, affects the appearance.
n = 10
n = 15
n = 25
And here’s a video illustrating the same concept.
And another one.
And here’s another demo video, where the depth of the fractal is programmed to sync with the beat of the music. I also added 8-fold symmetry. Check out my earlier blog post to learn more about syncing music to visuals. Download the track here.
Fun fact, I programmed the expanding circles using a phase-field code that I worked on in grad school. Phase-field codes are used to simulate how phases or grains evolve in materials when you heat them up. You can read my PhD thesis here, if you feel like it, but I don’t recommend it.
Love,
Anthony / Trazer
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This post is for my fans. You know who you are. You have sent me the most beautiful and inspiring messages. You have told me how my music has moved you, or inspired you, or helped you in some way. Those messages have meant the world to me. So I started making a scrapbook, where I literally paste in screenshots of nice comments from fans. Whenever I’m feeling down, I just open up the book. Here are a few examples that have truly made my heart feel warm.
I know it might sound cliche, but I would be nothing without you. The last few years have been a ridiculous ride for me. So many highs, so many lows. During those lows, it is YOU who have kept me going. Art can’t exist in a vacuum, at least not for me. I can’t be the only inhabitant of Trazer land. I likely would have given up already, if it weren’t for you.
Every time I start to think I’m never going to make it as an artist, all I have to do is remember that YOU exist. Every time I feel despair about my future in music, I remind myself that I am already successful because YOU exist. That keeps me staying positive, keeps me inspired, and, honestly, keeps me making music. Trazer isn’t JUST me. It’s us. It’s a whole world we can inhabit together. And as more and more people join us in Trazer land, I get more and more inspired and motivated because I can see that something is working. I’m growing. My fan base is growing. But way more important is the fact that YOU exist.
Maybe I’m just insecure, and I need validation. Maybe it’s just my ego that needs inflating. But I think it’s more than that. Before, making music was a hobby. It was fun. But at some point, it started to become something SO much bigger. It became an obsession, and now it has become an obsession that improves peoples’ lives. Or at least, some of you have said that it has. And I believe you. But I also have a hard time believing it. I mean, aren’t I just an amateur artist having fun? At what point does an amateur music producer become a professional? Is it once you start making money? Or is it once you have true fans? I’m not making much money. Not even close to breaking even. In the long run, yes, I need to make money to be able to do this full time. But that’s not why I’m doing this.
In the short term, I’m making music because I love it. Because I want to. Because I NEED to. In the past, this “need” was distracting, to say the least. It led to periods of anxiety and depression, that really interfered with my life, and my day job. Now that I don’t have a day job, things are waaaaay better. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it’s still up and down.
Anyway, my point is this. My fans have made all the difference in the world. To those of you who continue to message me with supporting words, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every single time I get a message from a fan, it makes my day. Seriously. I never get tired of hearing from you. My music is my gift to you. If you believe in Trazer, and in the future of Trazer, I want to hear from you. I want to talk to you. I want to know you. I want to meet you. I want to hug you. Because you are the reason I keep making music. I love you. I really do.
Love,
Anthony / Trazer
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Happy birthday to my incredible father, Kirk.
60 looks great on you.
My dad and I have a lot in common. For one, we both love running. In 2011, I ran my first marathon with him (it was probably his 20th). Then in 2017, I did another one with him at the Redmond Watershed near Seattle. He beat my time by 45 whole minutes. Maybe one day I’ll be in as a good shape as him. Regardless, both races were a powerful bonding experience for us, a real joy, and I hope to do it again.
Wisconsin Marathon, April 2011.
Marathon at Redmond Watershed, near Seattle, August 2017.
I also likely inherited my love for music from my dad. Like me, he’s been playing music his entire life. He was in a band in his early 20’s, and even dropped out of college to move to New York with the band (he later finished his degree and became a reporter for the New York Times). Upon learning that I was quitting my day job to pursue music, he expressed nothing but encouragement. He did the same thing, after all. It truly makes a world of difference knowing that he and my mom both support my recent career decisions.
Anyway, he exposed me and my brother to music at an incredibly young age, constantly making up silly songs. Fun fact, he wrote a song called “Hiney Piney,” which he would sing to us when he’d change our diapers. TMI?
He also sang Elton John’s “Your Song” in my wedding ceremony. It was so incredibly sung, it brought me (and everyone else) to tears. Music can stir up such powerful emotions. Thanks, Dad, for teaching me that. I love you.
My dad singing “Your Song” at my wedding, 2016.
Love,
Anthony / Trazer
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Last year, 2017, I went to burning man, for my fourth time. Four weeks that now all blend together into a full month of dusty memories. A month of insanity out in the desert, in Black Rock City.
My brother Paul and me out on the playa.
For those of you who haven’t been, there aren’t words to truly describe it. But I’ll try. Imagine you and 70,000 really close friends decided to go build a city in the middle of nowhere in the desert for a whole week. That’s how it feels. Practically everything, everywhere, is communal and shared, and everyone you meet is your friend. And for that week, money doesn’t exist. It’s a purely gifting economy.
My gift to Burning Man.
Every camp brings something to give or share, be it a sunrise yoga class, or grilled cheese and mimosas, or an awe-inspiring 30-foot-tall sculpture, or mock wedding officiations, or an all-night dance party (complete with booze, DJs, and incredible sound systems and visuals). FYI, my gift has been homemade necklaces sealed with playa dust from the Black Rock desert.
There are no curfews and no rules about when you should sleep. You simply have about 200 continuous hours of play time, and you can do with it whatever you like. Plus, everyone is an artist. Even you. Especially you. Self-expression feels so natural there. For a man, a colorful dress would be a semi-conservative outfit. There are no fashion rules whatsoever (except for taboos against shirt-cocking, for some reason). You can be fully nude at all times if you want, or, in my case, wear a giraffe onesie every single night.
Becky and me, 2015. The dust can be intense.
All of these beautiful people, and all of this mind-blowing art, in one of the harshest lifeless environments, the Black Rock desert. Highs can be in the upper 90s (F), lows in the 30s or 40s, and dust storms can come out of nowhere and can last for hours.
Anyway, there were 5 moments at burning man this year that stood out from the others. In a way, these experiences encapsulate the beauty and randomness of the temporary city. I’ll try to describe them here, but I also hope to write a song that better captures each of these very emotional and inspiring moments.
Experience #1
I was lying on an inflatable couch in a tent towards the end of the night, maybe 5am. My brother Paul was lying next to me. My eyes were closed and I was flirting with the edge of consciousness. I was super tired. And yet I managed to stay awake, and explore the dreamy no-mans-land that exists halfway between being awake and being asleep. I had this thought, “I’m at Burning Man,” that kept reverberating through my head, almost in disbelief. It alternated with thoughts of “Where the fuck am I?”, as is typical out there. It’s a pretty unbelievable place. It’s like another planet.
Paul and me (2015).
These thoughts mixed with the all of the noises coming from Black Rock City, mostly just that never-ending deep house that is the heartbeat of burning man. But also sounds of people laughing, fire, art cars driving by blasting music, super squeaky bikes riding by (the dust is brutal on bike chains), and terrible karaoke from down the street. Just to name a few. So I had these few moments, lying in my tent, where I felt like I could hear all of the noise of the city so clearly. It was a beautiful moment, where I felt truly at peace. My body had been stretched and fatigued and burned and scraped and sleep-deprived for so many days by this point, it practically felt euphoric every time I lied down. And this moment was the peak of that sensation. Feeling like my body had melted into the inflatable couch and my spirit was then free to explore the sounds of burning man. What beautiful sounds they were. Sounds of pure joy, of people laughing and dancing and loving, of people living their truest lives. And here I was, right next to my brother, my best friend. And within 20 feet were another 15 beautiful campmates, including my amazing partner Becky. So much love in this place. How am I so lucky to be able experience this place? What a perfect time to be alive.
Experience #2
One night, my brother and I were biking through the vast expanse of the playa when we crossed paths with a single unfamiliar man. He approached us and enthusiastically said, “Would either of you care for a slightly drunken hug?”
Now, if you were in the default world (i.e. not at burning man) and a random stranger said this to you, you would probably be creeped out. Or maybe you’d think he was going to try to mug you, or worse. But in this context, it seemed perfectly appropriate. He seemed like he genuinely wanted to give us a hug. Plus, the way he said it was just hilarious. So I said, “Yes!” and immediately got off my bike and gave him a good long hug. And it wasn’t awkward at all; it was a beautiful gift. Afterwards, he cheerily said “Fuck yer burn!” and went on his merry way. This one moment perfectly encapsulates one aspect of burning man that is truly magical. Human beings, when their walls are down, have so much love to give and receive.
Experience #3
Another of my favorite moments was while lounging on the couches at our camp in the middle of the night, maybe 2am. I’d been out for a few hours, and, exhausted, came back to camp to chill.
Paul, me, and Becky.
I sat on the couch with my brother and my wife, and giggled for what felt like hours. This was Thursday night, and we’d reached a point of exhaustion where, again, lying down felt euphoric. Any sense of urgency to go explore the city had mostly disappeared, replaced by a feeling of contentment and pure joy doing absolutely nothing.
Experience #4
Friday night, I went out exploring into deep playa with some campmates. By first light (maybe 5:30am) we found ourselves at Robot Heart. I was exhausted, as usual, but somehow found a second wind as the sun started to come out. And the music, it was beautiful. It was a type of melodic house that was just so so uplifting and melodic and euphoric. After the sun was fully risen, I experienced a moment of pure bliss. With my eyes closed, I faced the sun, reached my arms into the air, and simply danced. I opened my eyes occasionally, and I would see some of my closest friends, and my beautiful partner Becky, smiling back at me.
My love and me, at Robot Heart at sunrise. One of the best moments.
Even people I didn’t know would smile back at me. It’s one of the magical things about burning man. Everyone, including strangers, behaves as if they’re your friend. In such a place, everyone lifts everyone else up. Everybody wins. So much love and joy, spreading like a fire. As I danced, friends passed around snacks and drinks. I had a few sips of hot coffee, and it was absolutely perfect. Such a warming energizing liquid. Nothing quite like it when you’re out in the desert at sunrise, exhausted from a week of living life to the fullest. It’s all about the simple things in life. Hot coffee and good company.
My friends and me, at sunrise.
Experience #5
The final Sunday, after sunrise, I found myself standing outside Bubbles ‘n’ Bass, looking out at the playa. FYI, Bubbles ‘n’ Bass is a camp that hosts a dance party and gives out champagne every morning at sunrise.
Me contemplating life and death.
I saw so much joy, so much love, so much generosity, and I was suddenly overcome by an overwhelming sadness that this magical place was coming to an end. I wanted to cry. I teared up, though never quite managed to fully cry. I realized that burning man is a lot like life, or rather that burning man IS ALIVE. For one week of the year, 70,000 humans work hard to give life to something magical, something bigger than us all. And then at the end of the week, that life fizzles out and dies. All good things, anything alive, must come to an end. And sometimes that end feels heartbreaking, but death is inevitable. It’s all about making the most of the time you have. And remembering that love is all you need.
Thanks for reading. I love you.
*hugs*
Anthony / Trazer / Slutty G
p.s. Oh, by the way, my playa name is Slutty G. It’s short for Slutty Giraffe. It’s a long story.
p.p.s. One more pic. Or maybe three.
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Yes, I recorded a video of me dancing in a giraffe onesie, again. This time, it’s to my recent hour-long set, “2am Dreamy Dance Mix.” It turned out to be quite exhausting, dancing like that for a whole hour. So sweaty. lol. But it was also ridiculously fun. You should try it.
Or if you just want the audio and none of that silly giraffe nonsense:
One day I hope to do live shows, and I imagine that those sets will be something like this. Dreamy chill house, lots of animal onesies, you get the idea.
P.P.S. Post a video of you dancing to my music, and I’ll love you forever. Bonus points if you’re wearing a onesie, obviously.
P.P.P.S. Have I mentioned that my burning man name is Slutty G? It’s short for Slutty Giraffe, because I tend to get warm when I dance, causing me to remove parts of my onesie. 😉
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